May 15, 2007

TV Opinion: Spike TV's First Annual Guys Choice Awards

Recently, I read about Spike TV debuting yet another awards show. Far be it from the guys at Spike to follow the crowd with your standard categories, they have picked a pair of nominees in a vairety of oddball categories targeted at men. Before we can get to that, I have to ask, do we really need another awards show? More importantly, a Spike TV awards show? Well, be that as it may, its here and those who choose to subject themselves to it will just have to deal with their categories. In the announcement there was a partial listing of the categories, which I have felt the need to take a look at. Actually, there was one that caught my eye that I felt the need to comment on, so I figured I would just give a run through of the categories in the announcement.

So, without further delay, here they are:


Biggest Ass Kicker - Gerard Butler (300) vs. Kiefer Sutherland (Fox's 24)

Sure, Butler killed his fair share of Persians, but in the end he succumbed to the overwhelming numbers of enemy forces. Ass Kicker? Definitely, but he could not conquer death. Kiefer, on the other hand has been near death a few times over the six seasons of 24, not to mention the fact that he was in fact killed at one point, and came back, not even death could overcome his superior ass kicking skills. Now, as for neglected ass kickers? How about Katee Sackhoff of Battlestar Galactica? An ass kicking female who could stand toe to toe with this pair. Or how about Sam Jackson and his snake kicking performance in Snakes on a Plane?

Ballsiest Band - Disturbed vs. Lamb of God

This is the category that caught my eye when glancing down the nominees. Lamb of God? Most definitely. Disturbed? Are you kidding? Don't get me wrong, Disturbed can kick some ass, but they aren't in Lamb of God's league. Based on theses two nominations it is a no contest, Lamb of God takes this hands down. Now if you want a competition, bring in bands like Arch Enemy, Mastodon, Strapping Young Lad, Amon Amarth, or Unearth and you could have a good battle. This is just a lame selection for a battle.

Hottest Girl on the Planet - Beyonce vs. Adriana Lima

Do I have to choose? OK, I'll say Adriana Lima.

Luckiest Bastard - Dominic Monaghan (Evangeline Lilly's boyfriend) vs. Cash
Warren (Jessica Alba's boyfriend)

As much as I would like to be in either man's shoes, I will have to go with the friendly hobbit Dominic Monaghan. Honestly, how can a guy who rose to fame in Middle Earth score a babe like Evangeline Lilly? Best of luck to you, ya lucky bastard. As for Cash Warren? Never heard of the guy, but that looks like a more likely couple, which means it will never work, while Monaghan/Lilly will probably have a good run.

Funniest M.F. - Will Ferrell vs. Sacha Baron Cohen

I will have to go with Ferrell, I have seen more of his work, and he has some variety to his performances, while Cohen has given us Borat, I will have to reserve judgement on him.

Gift From The Gods - Minka Kelly (NBC's Friday Night Lights) vs. Rashida
Jones (NBC's The Office)

This is an odd category. Not quite sure what they are looking for, besides hot television actresses. I am not sure I see the comparison between these two. I guess I will go with Rashida Jones based on their characters. Jones is hot and seemingly fun on The Office, whereas Minka is nice to look at but her character is completely annoying. I will also toss in alternatives like Ali Larter (Heroes), Grace Park (Battlestar Galactica), and Jennifer Morrison (House)

Most Unstoppable Jock - Kobe Bryant vs. LaDainian Tomlinson

I am not really into basketball or football, so I will just go with Kobe. I am more familiar with him.

Hottest Jessica - Jessica Alba vs. Jessica Biel

No contest, Jessica Alba. I have loved her ever since Dark Angel. Yes, Jessica Biel is hot, but there is something about those broad swimmer shoulders.....

Most Dangerous Man - Chuck Liddell (UFC) vs. Dog (The Bounty Hunter)

Well, don't watch either, I guess this category skews towards Spike series. I will go with Chuck.

Femme Fatal - Tricia Helfer (Sci-Fi's Battlestar Gallactica) vs. Rose
McGowan (Grindhouse)

Definitely Tricia Helfer. Rose was looking her best in Grindhouse, but she doesn't hold a candle to the dangereous seductress Helfer plays. Helfer's Six knows just how to mess with you and keep you coming back for more.

Cockiest Crew - HBO's Entourage crew vs. Jackass 2 crew

Don't watch Entourage, although I want to. I will go with the Jackass crew, those guys are up for anything.

Sickest Rhymes - Nas vs. Jay-Z

Not my game, I will just say Nas as I have never cared for what little Jay Z I've heard.

Coolest Geek - Rainn Wilson (NBC's The Office) vs. Masi Oka (NBC's Heroes)

This seems like a perfect match up, although it will end up being a little lopsided. Masi Oka has been winning fans over ever since his days on Scrubs, now he is the sweet samurai sword carrying, time traveling bad ass geek, while Rainn is perfect for his annoying geek on the Office. Which would you choose?

Gutsiest Move - Steve Colbert (his speech from White House Correspondents'
Association Dinner) vs. Chris Peterson (Boise State Head Football Coach)

Not sure what Peterson did, but even if I did, I think I would have to go with Steven Colbert's speech, that was genius. This is a guy who is really fun and knows how to twist the knife.

Kingpin (Guy of the Year) - James Gandolfini vs. George Clooney

Huh? This just strikes me as a lame category. I don't recall either of these guys really burning things up over the past year. I think this would have been better suited to Kiefer Sutherland. I will have to go with Clooney, as I am not big on The Sopranos.

I believe there are a few other categories to be announced, but does this look all that interesting? Honestly? Yeah, its nice to see these off kilter categories, but they seem to be taking serious cues from MTV. I probably won't bother watching it, but it was fun peeking through the offerings.

You can even vote on who you want to see at the winners podium at Voting is open until June 1, 2007. The show will be taped on June 9, in Los Angeles, and premiere on Spike TV on June 13th at 10 PM.


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