Critical Capsule: Slender Man (2018)

Using Moviepass of late has turned into a sad game of Whack-A-Mole. I had intended to see The BlackkKlansman, but since those showtimes disappeared from the app, I turned towards the next available film. I was sent down the rabbit hole of Slender Man. I guess it should be said that I never cared about Slender Man, never looked into the modern viral phenomenon that gave birth to the guy, I also feel like the golden time for a movie is long since passed. In any case, I went to the movie and swear I found a cure for insomnia.

Slender Man crawls at a snail’s pace, relies on jump scares, and aside from a couple of neat camera tricks feels like a crappy version of The Ring mixed with a touch of Sinister. I never felt interested in the creature or the characters, the characters never really felt genuine. I think I would have been better served reading on the spawning of modern legend. The movie has nothing to say and gives the characters very little to do other than go through the motions of a mainstream, teen-targeted horror film. I would love to see more theatrical horror films let go and not be afraid af getting truly bizarre and scary. I think that might be asking too much. Slender Man is a hard pass.

Critical Capsule: Skyscraper (2018)

Skyscraper would likely be more entertaining in a world where Die Hard didn’t exist. Unfortunately, this is not that world. Perhaps if you are just getting into movies, are young, and don’t know of the great Die Hard yet, you may like this. If you couldn’t figure it out, this is like a copy of a copy of Die Hard, the more layers of separation, the more generic and bland the replications get. On the other hand, Skyscraper does star the Rock, and he has large enough personality to actually carry this and keep me somewhat involved. This is fun enough. The story follows Rock, hobbled by having one leg, work his way through a burning tower to save his family and stop the bad guys from getting to the building’s owner. This is hardly must see cinema, but you could do worse if you stumble across it one night on cable.

Critical Capsule: Blumhouse's Truth or Dare?

Sometimes you hear bad things about a movie, but you have to see it for yourself. That is what happened in the case of Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare? It is a movie that looked to be all right while also feeling familiar in a Final Destination sort of way. The movie was a big waste of time. Soulless, heartless, and pointless, a product designed to separate you from your money. It centered on a group of unlikable college kids who get suckered into a possessed game of truth or dare that doesn’t end until everyone is dead. Best part had to be the fart face the people make when under the influence of the game. It really was annoying he way it played out, and then that ending…. Can’t get much worse. Funny thing, I think the idea has promise, sadly, this was made as a product, not a movie.

Critical Capsule: Ready Player One

When I first saw the trailer for Ready Player One, I was immediately interested. It was my introduction to the source, as I had never heard of the novel before. I was caught up in the nostalgic references to pop culture of decades gone by. Now, having seen the movie, I enjoyed playing spot the reference, as well as the lengthy horror movie sequence and the appearance of a certain mechanical monster. On the other hand, the story felt like a lot of what I have seen before and the lead actors did not have all that much personality. I had fun enough with it, but that is due to the references to things I like a lot better. Overall, I felt this was a mediocre movie banking on nostalgic recognition rather than doing anything interesting with it.

Critical Capsule: Hellraiser - Judgment

The Hellraiser franchise has never been a great. I love the first two, I like the third and fourth, but after that, well, the less said the better. So, the idea of a new film, one without Doug Bradley, would seem like a fool’s errand. Surprisingly, I quite liked Hellraiser: Judgment. Writer/director Gary Tunnicliffe brought some interesting concepts to the film and has made the first genuinely interesting Pinhead film in years. There are some nice gore effects and I would have liked to have seen some of the ideas (like the Auditor and Surgeon Cenobites) expanded on in a longer film. On the other hand, I felt it fell into the same traps as many of the DTV entries where it is just some detectives tumbling into the Hellraiser world rather than being more about that world. Feels too much like two different movies shuffled together. Still, I have no problem recommending this.

Critical Capsule: The Strangers - Prey at Night

The Strangers was a scary and effective horror film that had an unsettling realism about it. Now, we have the sequel that I don’t think anyone was really asking for, bearing the subtitle Prey at Night. The best thing I can say about this movie is that it has some well shot sequences. The movie itself seemed intent on doing nothing like the first one, thus defeating the purpose. Rather than terrifying the characters, it was more about terrifying the audience with unearned jump scares. On one level, I can sort of enjoy this, but then I get distracted by the terrible choices made by those behind the camera. It is as if they are seeking to undermine the elements that made the first so effective. In many ways I hated this movie.

Critical Capsule: Game Night

This movie was a complete surprise. Don’t get me wrong, I am not calling great or anything, but it is genuinely funny, involving, and actually kept me guessing throughout. Game Night is a legitimately fun movie that just when you think you see where it is going, it swerves and changes everything. I liked the cast, Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams are a good lead pair. I also liked that the makers tried to do stuff with the style to further the concept of games, most notably using tilt shift to make the town look like a game board and the cars as game pieces. This is he sort of surprise I like to have, when hoping to be entertained, and walk away genuinely liking it.

Critical Capsule: Annihilation (2018)

Alex Garland is a name that perks my ears, he is a filmmaker who is adept at bring intelligent genre fare to the big screen. His latest is an adaptation of Annihilation, I am not familiar with the book, but after seeing the movie I am curious. The movie is mesmerizing and while I sort of get it, I cannot explain it. It is fascinating to watch this movie unfold and seemingly refuse to answer any questions. It is sort of like the tree in Empire Strikes Back, Luke is told all that is inside is what he brings. Inside the anomaly called the Shimmer there may be more than what the women bring, but the influence of what they bring has an impact. Then there is the final act, some of the freakiest stuff I’ve seen in a mainstream release. This is a movie that begs for multiple viewing to unlock its secrets.

Critical Capsule: Spawn

I decided to revisit the Spawn film the other night. Just as I had suspected it is as bad as it ever was, yet I still find it as compelling as ever. The film is seriously dated and somewhere along the way in adapting it from comic to screen, it lost a good deal of the seriousness and darkness that it had. That said, the hero of Spawn is still a compelling character, a killer recruited by Satan doing his bidding on Earth while thinking, or trying, to do the right thing. I have always loved this character and this film will always evoke a love/hate response from me. For as bad as it is and how much was changed, there are still elements that I like. Michael Jai White, a victim of bad writing, has the physicality to play the role and does his best with what he has. The shining performance belongs to John Leguizamo, legitimately electrifying as the bad guy, a short, fat, white clown. I cannot recommend this movie, but it has a secial place for me.

Critical Capsule: Best Friends

If you want to remain best friends with someone, do not watch the movie Best Friends with them, no matter how much they tell you they love Richard Hatch. Also, no matter how many times marketing folks call a movie a Grindhouse or Drive-in cult classic, chances are if you've never heard mere mention of it before, there is probably a reason. Best Friends follows two buds and their respective lady friends, reunited and heading out on cross-country trek in an RV. It has some gratuitous nudity, but for the most part, this is Lifetime theater circa 1974. Bad acting and a story that goes nowhere and ends when it should be interesting. This is what happens when you make a coming of age movie and neglect to give it a point. Boredom ensues.

Critical Capsule: Jumanji - Welcome to the Jungle

I know a lot of people had very strong feelings about the prospect of a Jumanji remake. I was not one of them, sure I enjoyed the movie, but I cannot say I had any particular attachment to it. That said, I initially thought this new edition looked pretty bad. I was wrong. No, it is not a great movie by any stretch, but it is a lot of fun and I liked the use of the video game elements throughout. Beyond that, the cast had great chemistry and Jack Black, in particular was quite well cast and had a rather strong character arc. Likewise, I actually didn’t mind Kevin Hart here, I am not usually a fan of his. Then we have the Rock, who was great as usual. Finally what can be said about Karen Gillan? Overall, this was a fun addition to the Jumanji-verse, not sure I need anymore but this is an easy one to recommend for a little fun in the theater.

Critical Capsule: Justice League

Justice league, what else is left to be said? Probably nothing. I did enjoy the film, but I did not love. I felt that Steppenwolf was a weak villain and the plot felt like a mash of Avengers and Lord of the Rings. A lot of the comedic moments fell flat, especially when they were centered on Batman; however, Flash was pretty fantastic. I thought most of the heroes were handled well, Wonder Woman continues to shine and Cyborg was a lot better than I was expecting. I would :d[ watch this one again and feel it currently is the second best of the DCEU, behind Wonder Woman. I do feel this universe has been rushed but there is always time to save, unlike Universal’s Dark Universe debacle.

Critical Capsule: A Bad Moms Christmas

Last year, Bad Moms proved to be a bit of a surprise hit. You know what that means! Let's rush out a sequel! That brings us A Bad Moms Christmas. The main cast returns and adds a number of notable names to play the mom’s moms. Well, I am happy to report that while this has very little plot, it still maintains the vulgar charms of the first and is quite enjoyable. It is by no means great, but is a fun R rated holiday romp and the additions of the mom's worked out quite well. I wonder what could be next? I don't really see this as a long running franchise, but I would not be against another go around with these put upon mom's just trying to do the best they can for their families. Perhaps unrealistic, but certainly relatable.

Critical Capsule: Transformers - The Last Knight

So, I was watching the latest Transformers movie and I think it has finally happened, I just don't care about these movies anymore. This outing is just another incomprehensible mess filled with pretty explosions, lame jokes, and devoid of anything resembling a soul. I had no idea what was going on, nor did I care. It was also pretty clear that Anthony Hopkins was just there for a paycheck. I will admit, it looks real slick and no one sets off an explosion like Michael Bay. I just wish there was something to home onto, some sort of emotional investment. I guess it is a plus that we don't have to listen to Shia Lebeouf whine. I actually would not mind a complete reboot of the franchise, hopefully creating the mythology first, not messing with it every time out. I will also say that it has more energy than the last Pirates of the Caribbean debacle, but that's not saying much. If another in this series comes along it will be too soon. Sadly, I will probably find myself watching that to. Avoid this mess if you can.

Critical Capsule: Coco

It is nice to see Pixar back in form. I have to be honest, with films like the Cars trilogy and Monsters University, I was beginning to lose faith. Then Coco comes around, I swear, by the end I was doing all I could to keep from sobbing. The movie is funny, intelligent, with a huge heart and one back of an emotional investment. It also gives an interesting look into the Mexican tradition of the Day of the Dead. The story of Miguel going against his family to follow his dream only to find that dream to be the one thing that can bring his family together is very sweet. This is a beautifully told tale of family and discovery, that is jaw droppingly gorgeous to look at, the animation is incredible. This is not a movie to be missed.

Critical Capsule: A Million Ways to Die in the West

Well, I saw A Million Ways to Die in the West. I am pretty sure I did not laugh at all. I suspect I will be in the minority, but the movie just did not work for me. It felt like a Family Guy cutaway that keeps going and going for nearly two hours. It is like observational stand-up, only difference is the guy is actually in the setting and pointing things out. The humor is similar to that one guy who thinks he is hilarious for pointing things out and if you don't laugh, he repeats it until you do.

Critical Capsule: Neighbors

Neighbors opened this weekend and is likely to make a killing at the box office, unfortunately, it will not be because it is a good movie. Any money that it makes will be a testament to the marketing group at Universal Pictures. I will admit, the campaign had me hooked. Yes, I like Rogen and Byrne, Efron, well, I have no opinion of him, and Dave Franco can be funny. Well, the trailer offered some chuckles, but the movie does not. It is not really a movie worth your time unless you see as much as I do or have been likewise duped by the advertising campaign.

Critical Capsule: Sabotage (2014)

Arnold Schwarzenegger returned to movies with a bit part in 2012's The Expendables. Since then he has appeared in that film's sequel as well as starring in The Last Stand and co-starring, with Sylvester Stallone, in Escape Plan. He is back once more in the driver's seat of a new action thriller, and it is probably the best starring role he has had since he left the Governor's mansion. This is not to say it is a great movie, but it is certainly entertaining and almost gleefully violent. It is called Sabotage.

Critical Capsule: Wrong

I am not exactly the smartest guy on the block, far from it. This being the case, it is not uncommon for me to be unable to pick up on certain messages and meanings in some movies. In some ways I have found this to be rather freeing. For example, Wrong is a movie that comes across to me as being from way out in left field, a movie that makes little sense, yet flows perfectly well. What is writer/director Quentin Dupieux trying to say? I am really not sure, maybe give it another ten watches and I might get something.

Critical Capsule: Drive In Massacre

Here is a movie that if I were in a more forgiving mood I would have turned off well before the final credits rolled. Somehow, I found it to stick with it and watch it all the way to the bitter end. That actually says something as the movie is only about 73-minutes long. It is called Drive In Massacre and was unleashed upon an unsuspecting audience way back in 1976. I actually find it surprising that such a nothing movie as this still finds its way to peoples eyes. This may sound a bit more harsh than it really is, but the movie is seriously dull and feels like something someone made in his spare time as a joke.