Movie Review: Date Movie

"From 2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie." That promotional line begs the question, "but does that mean it's good?" Considering how bad the Scary Movie franchise has gotten, and that they were involved in writing all three films, it certainly doesn't help.

As you have probably guessed, or bludgeoned with, the fact that this is a spoof on other recent films. If stringing together some bad Saturday Night Live or MadTV sketches together is funny, then I must not have much of a sense of humor. Granted, you don't see a movie like this for its story, but I would like it to be more consistently funny. It seems, for the most part, that spoofs that are coming out now lake the timeless nature of spoofs gone by. The focus is too much on directly copying scenes from other films and taking them to the next level, whereas in the past they focused more on clichés and genres, and less specifically with cramming in as many film references as is possible.

The plot, such as it is, concerns a lovesick young woman, Julia, who is worried that she may never find true love. She finds her love, and is thrust into every popular comedy of the past few years, and even a few older ones. Julia snags her man and has to defend her relationship from the last object of his affections, and current best man (er, woman).

Amongst the movies targets are Napoleon Dynamite, When Harry Met Sally, The Wedding Planner, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Meet the Fockers, Hitch, and Bridget Jones' Diary. The problem with these spoofs is that rather taking what was so funny from those scenes and wrapping them up in a creative mesh of reference and freshness, we get a virtual reproduction of said scenes. The latter just isn't that funny.

The writing and direction are a mess. The jokes are telegraphed ahead, dragged through town, beaten to death, and then tossed at the screen in some shoddy stretched out form, in a rapid succession, in the hopes that something will stick. The actors are just there, exhibiting very little life, probably realizing just what a piece of junk they are in.

I will say that there are two good things in this movie. The first is the lovely and adorably Alyson Hannigan, she just lights up the screen, and I hope that she survives this and is able to get better roles. She is a good actress, although here she just seems tired with this expression of wonder, most likely trying to figure out how she got roped into this. Despite the lack of quality, I did find her to be a highlight, giving me something to look at in an attempt to avoid the rest of the dreck onscreen. The other good thing is Tony Cox(Marcus in Bad Santa) as a mini-Hitch, this guy is a riot and is able to take the lame setups and make them work for him.

Bottomline. Save your money. This is an early leader in the worst of the year race. Aside from Alyson's charisma, and Tony Cox' ability to control a scene, there is nothing to see here. I long for the days of spoofs like The Naked Gun, Spaceballs, and even the first Scary Movie.

Not Recommended. * / *****

CD Review: Rhapsody - Live in Canada 2005: The Dark Secret

I always thought I listened to a wide selection of bands, granted most of them were in or around the main stream. Since I have started writing, over the past couple of years, I have been exposed to many bands that I have never heard of. Some of those qualify as main stream and some don't. The latest band to join that list of previously unheard by me bands is Rhapsody. I saw them described as "film-score metal" and I knew I had to hear them.

As the music began to emanate from my speakers, I was instantly reminded of three bands that Rhapsody reminded me of. Those bands are Savatage, Blind Guardian, and Dream Theater. The music presented during this live set is fantastic and Rhapsody has most definitely won themselves a new fan.

Live in Canada was recorded at the Metropolis in Montreal, Canada on June 14, 2005. The recording captures over 60 minutes of musical intensity. The disk is much more than the music, you can picture the stage show. I am not, generally, a big fan of live albums, there are some very good ones, but there are also countless live releases that just should not have been. Also, when it comes to choosing between a live CD and DVD of the same show, I will always go for the DVD. With the DVD you can not only listen to the show, but watch it and imagine yourself in the crowd. This CD almost bridges that gap.

As I listened to the music, and the fantastic crowd interaction and participation, I could see myself standing in the crowd while my face blistered from the tight, precise, assault force that was staking claim to the stage in front of me. This is a band that has made peace with its theatrical aspirations, the music they create is bombastic, larger than life, and I loved every note of it.

In my musical journies over the past 17 or so years I have come to learn something about my tastes. First, metal will always be my genre of choice, this includes the subcategories and labels that get thrust upon the varying styles. Secondly, and possibly more importantly, I like music that is structured, meaning I tend to shy away from many of the hardcore/screamo/punk styled acts in favor of more power metal/progressive metal/and what has become the red-headed stepchild of metal, nu-metal. What does this have to do with my listening to Rhapsody? Listen to them. Intensely precise music that just grabs you and doesn't let go.

There is only one problem with this disk, I wanted more! Much like going to see a favorite brand in concert, when they are done, you want more, always more. This setlist contains an addictive element, the music is infectious. It gets in your brain and swirls around in there getting caught in the folds of gray matter. From the opening insanity of "Unholy Warcry" to the sprawling epic of "Erian's Mystical Rhymes" to the brilliance of "Emerald Sword", this is all A list material from start to finish.

The CD comes in 2 flavors. First there is the CD-only edition, then there is a limited edition that comes with a DVD. The DVD contains a 10 minute peak at the upcoming live DVD. There is some concert footage as well as interview footage, this amounts to little more than a tease and a promise that you will be spending some more money. Secondly, the DVD also has the entire concert, audio only, in a 5.1 mix, so if you have a nice home theater setup, pop this in the DVD player and listen to the expanded mix.

Bottomline. Rhapsody, you have a new fan in me. This is an impressive excursion into progressive power metal. Tight musicianship with that theatrical bent is enough to suck me in. This is a must have for fans, and a nice introduction to the world of Italian film-score metal. Oh yeah, there is some narration from actor Christopher Lee!

Highly Recommended. **** / *****

New Movies and Box Office Predictions: Featuring Date Movie

This week brings with it three new wide releases, each with a different target audience. The big question, as it is any week, are they any good? Is it really worth your or my time? Each one is a good question. We all know that besides Oscar nominees going wider, or returning to the theaters, the early months of the year tend to be dead zones in terms of quality films. Fortunately, we have had a couple of worthy additions mixed in. Hopefully we will be able to report on good movies this weekend too, but I am not holding my breath.

Date Movie. This would probably have been better off opening prior to Valentine's Day, but here we have a romantic comedy proudly marketed as coming from "2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie." Now is that something to be proud of? I'm not so sure. Whatever the case, this looks as if it could be a very funny farce, or fall flat on its face with the best jokes in the trailer. Among the movies it lampoons are Hitch, Napoleon Dynamite, The Wedding Planner and Meet the Fokker's. It stars Alyson Hannigan, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame, and it was directed by the same two writers of the Scary Movie movies, making their directorial debuts, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. TRAILER

Eight Below. Targeting children and the family crowd comes the latest "inspired by a true story" film from Disney. This one centers on a man and his team of sled dogs. A storm rips through the Antarctic base where they had been stationed, and when the helicopter arrives to lift them out, there is no room for the dogs, and they are left behind. The movie chronicles the dogs survival and their owners efforts to get back and find them. The trailer looks like it could be fun, but it does star Paul Walker who can't act his way out of a wet paper bag. It was directed by Frank Marshall who has been a producer for most of his career, last directing Congo back in 1995. It may also be interesting to note that this is a remake of a Japanese film called Nankyoku monogatari. TRAILER

Freedomland. Bringing a little suspense to the weekend is this film from director Joe Roth (Christmas with the Kranks). Julianne Moore plays Brenda, a woman whose child is kidnapped during a carjacking. Detective Council (Samuel L. Jackson) is brought in to investigate. Along the way he teams with a reporter played by Edie Falco as they search for the accused African American culprit. The trailer looks good, although I had an immediate flash of the awful The Forgotten where Julianne Moore also lost a child. TRAILER

The New World. Director Terrence Malick's historical epic is coming to the local arthouse to begin at least one week of screenings. This is the legend of John Smith and Pocahantas, brought to life by Colin Farrell and Q’orianka Kilcher. I have heard very good things about this, although I am not sure which version this is, I am assuming it is the newer cut. Shortly after it's limited release, at the end of December, Malick recalled it and took it back to the editing room. He then went on to trim 17 minutes from it. In any case, I hope to get a look at this before it leaves. TRAILER

Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story. I have no idea what the story is, but it had previously been deemed unfilmable, until Michael Winterbottom got his hands on it. I have seen some good word on it, although the description doesn't give much of an idea of what will end up onscreen. Steve Coogan stars, playing three roles, including himself, in a film within a film. It blends fiction and reality as it goes through an examination of the mind. I may just see this to say I've seen it. TRAILER

Also opening, but not near me:

• Battle in Heaven
• Night Watch (Nochnoi Dozor)
• The Second Chance
• Winter Passing

Box Office Predictions.

1. Date Movie. Stupid comedy sells, and this PG-13 stab in the dark could fill the bill and come out on top.
2. Freedomland. I have a feeling that this will do well, it looks to be the best of this weeks new crop.
3. Eight Below. This looks to have enough charm to pull in decent numbers.
4. Final Destination 3. This should bring out those looking for a little blood with their movie.
5. Firewall. Not a terribly good film, but people like Harrison, even if he is getting a bit old for this type of role.
6. Curious George. I think the monkey will suffer only a modest drop.
7. Brokeback Mountain. Continuing it's presence on the list, at least through the Oscars.
8. Pink Panther. This may have been at number 1 last week, but it will drop like a stone.
9. Big Momma's House 2. Making its last appearance in the Top Ten....
10. When a Stranger Calls. See above.

What are you seeing this weekend?

CD Review: Venom - Metal Black

Legendary metal act, Venom, are back with their first album, Metal Black, since 2000's Resurrection. This long running act has influenced many of the metal acts that you know and love, such as Metallica and Slayer. In addition to the new album, 2006 also marks the 25th anniversary of their first album, 1981's Welcome to Hell.

Before going any further, I must claim vast amounts of ignorance when it comes to Venom's back catalog. Sure, I have heard of them, but I had never heard them before this album. I guess that could be taken one of two ways. One way being to dismiss my opinion out of hand for not being intimately familiar with a band that had influenced so many. Another way is to say, perhaps we will have a new fan to welcome into the fold, or someone with an opinion that is unbiased, not to be influenced by any status the band has attained or previous successes. After that little exposition, do you still want to know what I think about the album? If so, please continue to read. If not, I will bid you adieu, perhaps our paths will cross again in the future.

When I first received this pre-release copy, packaged in a plain jewel case with no liner notes, labeled with a basic white sticker bearing the name Venom Metal Black and a simple song listing on the back, I thought that this couldn't be the same Venom I had read bout in Metallica interviews so many years ago. Or could it? I initially worked on the assumption that it wasn't, until I did a little looking and found that yes, indeed, this was new music from that Venom.

I have listened to the album a few times through, and after the first couple I must say that I was not terribly impressed. There did not seem to be much substance to the music. Frankly, it felt like a generic metal band that had not yet found their voice. The recording is rough, at times it sounded like the guitars and drums were out of synch, almost like a live album. The lyrical content seemed to be squarely in the midst of the old death metal standbys of Satan and death, witnessed by such song titles as "Antechrist," "Burn in Hell," "Death & Dying," and "Lucifer Rising." The riffs were heavy and the double bass relentless, but they didn't really standout as anything all that special. Needless to say, I wasn't sure what to think of this alleged legend.

So, I started listening to it a few more times, hoping that I would find something to latch onto, a sign as to why they were so influential in the early years. Then, while listening, something dawned on me, this is what the heart of those early years of death metal were like. It was a new world of heavy music that was unfolding, a world which they were helping to usher in. The music was raw, primal, and full of energy. Metal Black is a throwback to those early days, a recording that is under produced, that allows the energy to flow through their instruments into the mix board, minimal intervention used to compile the tracks. The guitars come through with those crushing riffs, the drums and bass folded in around them as the vocals come in on top.

Was that change in viewpoint the signal of a new dawn for my appreciation of the music? Yes and no. Listening through that newly realized filter allowed me to gain respect for them and what they appear to be attempting. It allowed me to let my guard down and just get swept up in the destructive riffs emanating from my speakers. And let me tell you, the music on this album is heavy. These were some of the heaviest music I have heard in some time that didn't fall under some other new wave metal label. The drum work is also fast and thunderous, keeping time with the banging of your head.

At the same time, I did not feel the music. It was heavy and fast, to be sure, but the words did not sink in, and the technical merits of the performance seemed to be lacking. I like the occasional riff based music, but I also like musical gymnastics of acts like Iron Maiden or Dream Theater. I know, I know, this is a different style, but other bands have fused some of the technical aspects with the heavy riffing. So, I do not believe that I am sold on them based on this one album alone, even though my opinion has changed since the initial disastrous run through.

I have read this release being compared to Metallica's St.Anger, not in execution, but in intent. Where the Metallica album was meant to hearken back to their early rawer edged days, and not really succeeding, Metal Black goes a long way to evoking the early days of death metal. I think that this trio of founder Cronos, Antton, and Mykvs has done a good job at bringing this metal fan a taste of what it must have been like in those early days. Put into the context of an early metal release, I could this as a breakthrough album. Sadly, in this day and age, it is little more than a nostalgic time capsule. Head banging heavy, and easy to get into, but nothing terribly special.

Bottomline. They may not have made an instant fan in this guy, but they have given an interesting argument for the return of old school death metal at its most raw. The guitar riffs are the best part of the album, they are unapologetically heavy. This is recommended for fans, or those curious about them, but it may not be the best place to start with them.

Mildly Recommended. **.5 / *****

Track Listing:
01. Antechrist: Click HERE to listen to a streaming demo.
02. Burn In Hell
03. House of Pain
04. Death & Dying
05. Rege Satanas
06. Darkest Realm
07. A Good Day to Die
08. Assassin
09. Lucifer Rising
10. Blessed Dead
11. Hours of Darkness
12. Sleep When I'm Dead
13. Maleficarvm
14. Metal Black

The album will be released by Sanctuary Records:
Germany: 3/24/06
Europe: 3/27/06
US: N/A

RIP: Babylon 5's G'Kar, Andreas Katsulas Dead at 59

Actor Andreas Katsulas passed away on February 13, 2006 after a long fight with lung cancer, he was 59 years old.

I am not the biggest fan of Babylon 5, not for lack of desire, just that I have not seen enough. I have always liked what I have seen of it. Katsulas played the green skinned lizard alien G'Kar on the series. He was one of my favorite characters, a noble man who valued honor, but was not above entering a scrap if it was for something he believed in. He had great on-screen chemistry with his primary adversary, Londo Mollari, played with Napoleonic verve by Peter Jurasik. That pair made for some memorable television.

Andreas also played a memorable role in rival franchise Star Trek: The Next Generation, as high ranking Romulan officer Commander Tomalak. A role where he had another sparring partner with Patrick Stewart's Captain Picard. He made an appearance on another Trek series, playing a Vissian captain who befriends Captain Archer on Enterprise. He appeared on numerous other television series as well, including Max Headroom, Alien Nation, Hunter, and Millenium. His last appearance was in a 2003 episode of NYPD Blue entitled "Shear Stupidity."

He was no stranger to the big screen either, with his most memorable role coming in an Oscar nominated 1993 film. He played the elusive one armed man, Frederick Sykes, opposite Harrison Ford in The Fugitive. He has also appeared in Communion, Executive Decision, and Jane Austen's Mafia!, among others.

From all that I have seen of Andreas Katsulas, he appeared to be a genuinely nice guy. A friend of mine related a story of when he had the opportunity to meet him some years ago at a science fiction convention in New York. He said that he was the most gracious person there, staying late to sign autographs and talk to his fans. He showed an appreciation to his fans that others appearing did not. He wanted to spend the time to talk to the people who came to see him, realizing that the fans were the reason he was there.

I never had the opportunity to meet him, but I wish I had. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and loved ones in their time of loss.

Let me close this with a quote from his character, G'Kar:

I believe that when we leave a place a part of it goes with us and part of us
remains. Go anywhere in these halls, when it is quiet and just listen. After a
while you will hear the echoes of all of our conversations, every thought and
word we've exchanged. Long after we are gone, our voices will linger in these
walls for as long as this place remains. But I will admit that the part of me
that going will very much miss the part of you that is staying.

Read more on the Sci Fi Wire.
See his filmography at IMDB.com.

DVD Review: The A-Team - Season Three

There is nothing like the action television of the 80's. From Knight Rider to Magnum PI, from Macgyver to The A-Team, where else could you turn to see bullets never hit anybody, car wrecks don't hurt anyone, and where, from week to week could you see the most ingenius plans put in motion to thwart an even wider array of bad guys?

The A-Team wasn't my action show of choice, I leaned more towards the sci-fi trappings of Knight Rider and the nice guy attitudes of Macgyver. Of course, as a young and impressionable child, I was rarely allowed in front of the television long enough to watch the A-Team, or who knows what possible frenzied fan attitude could have built up inside of me.

Today's subject is the third season of said action series, which originally aired during the 1984-85 season. This is the first of the series I have seen since their original run, some 20 years ago. Being as it is, my memory of the series is spotty at best, so watching this, was like viewing it within a bubble with little frame of reference to the seasons around it.

The series, like many shows of the era, was all about the high concept. It sacrificed long running in depth stories, in favor of the stand alone episode. Occasionally, they would toss in an episode with recurring characters to show the passage of time, but by and large, it stuck to its formula, and it worked.

Typically, each episode would open with some random group of people getting in trouble. This season includes a beach front hotel owner, a small fire company, independent loggers, and a singing group, among others. That reveal is followed by their attempt to locate the elusive team, which usually has Hannibal Smith in some sort of wacky disguise. We proceed to the team moving in and doing some re-con work to find out just what needs to be done, followed by them working together to put together some sort of contraption on their way to winning the day.

That is a rather blunt sequence of events, but it is rather accurate. The charms of the series lay in the combination of personalities making up the team. Hannibal, portrayed by George Peppard, is the slyly humorous mastermind of the proceedings. Templeton "Face" Peck, Battlestar Galactica's Dirk Benedict, is a master of disguise and ever the fashion plate, with a girl in every port. BA Baracus, aka Mr. T, is an expert in munitions and a mechanic, not to mention being the muscle of the group. Finally we have Howlin' Mad Murdoch, Dwight Schultz, as the resident lunatic, and my favorite member of the team. Together they are possibly the toughest group of hombres you'd ever want to tangle with, and this season proves just how tough they can be.

There are some recurring thematic elements. They include BA's fear of flying, and the variety of methods used to get him where they need to go. There is the occasional need to break Murdoch out of the psych ward, so that he can participate in the escapades. Then there are the MP's led by a man named Decker, who were out to get the four men. They were, after all, fugitives having been convicted and imprisoned for a crime they didn't commit. An imprisonment they quickly escaped and lived taking these dangerous jobs to protect the innocent.

Watching these episodes was a lot of fun. The series may feel campy and rather dated, but the pure entertainment it provides is genuine. Each episode brings new gadgets and costumes, another bad guy to be defeated. This is a nostalgic trip through the 1980's.

Audio. Presented in 2.0 mono, the audio sounds decent enough. It may be a little flat, but that has to do more with the source than anything else. Something to note, apparently, two songs were replaced due to, I would guess, rights issues. I am not sure which two, but the note is in small letters on the back of the box alerting us of the fact.

Video. We get the original aspect ratio of 1.33:1. It has that washed out look that seems to go with shows of the era, but it looks quite good. This has got to be the best the show has looked since its original broadcast, probably even better.

Extras. None, you get all 25 episodes and nothing else. Some old commercials, or interview footage, perhaps unused footage from the set, or bloopers, or anything really, would have been nice.

Bottomline. This show is a blast. An explosion of entertainment landing all over your television screen. The excitement builds when that music hits, if there is one thing that goes along with those shows of the 80's are some of the most memorable ever created. Fun acting, big stunts, and, I'll say it again, fun all combine to give us some memorable television.

Recommended. *** / *****

Sci-Fi Channel Movie Review: House of the Dead 2

When considering whether or not I really wanted to subject myself to it, I had serious pause. I saw the original Uwe Boll "masterpiece," or should I say that I suffered through it. My worse judgment got the best of me, as I am always up for a horror film, no matter how bad. At least I didn't have to pay for this one.

House of the Dead 2 does not appear to have any connection to the original film. There is no party or any kind of misdirected subtext. This movie assumes that zombies are now a fact of life. The government has set up an agency to deal with just these types of out breaks. It seems that a new strain of creature is popping up, dubbed the hyper-sapien. Forget the comedy or cheap scares and lame effects of the first. This direct to TV sequel embraces its low budget and B grade roots and has fun with it. We are given plenty of zombie shooting action.

I am going to have to spoil the opening, as I absolutely loved it. It starts with a water gun attack on a frat house. One of the female victims is walking through the street, cursing her boyfriend for what had happened, when a car comes around the corner and runs her down! A man gets out of the car and approaches her asking if she is OK. She says she is fine, and then we get the reveal of the driver, Sid Haig! He is better known as Captain Spaulding from The Devil's Rejects. He clubs her with a crowbar and takes her back to his lab, where he is trying to unlock the secrets of immortality. Of course, it backfires and we are off to the races.

Outside of that really small bit that explains this outbreak, there is no real story to speak of. House of the Dead 2 does not exist to tell a story, it exists to provide some blood and zombies. We pick up our heroine, called Nightingale, while on a date. She is quickly confronted by a zombie, which doesn't really help the date all that much. She is then taken back to base where she gets suited up and teamed with a military squad to infiltrate the zombie hordes and find the source, the first generation zombie.

The squad is filled with your generic mix of macho guys and women out to prove themselves. There is internal squabbling as they go about their jobs. They get to the campus and split up, soon enough their numbers get pared down, until we have the small group that will lead the charge to the climactic battle.

To talk of the story anymore would be pointless, as I am sure most of you know how these movies go. So, I will leave the story behind and tell you about other things that you may or may not want to know about.

The acting is better than in the first film, and average for your typical DTV zombie film. The cast is led by Emanuele Vaugier, of Saw II fame, she is convincing as our team leader, Alex. She is supported by Victoria Pratt (Cleopatra 2525, Mutant X) as one of the military unit. The unit also features rapper Sticky Fingaz as their team leader. Finally we have Ed Quinn who seems to be making a career as a guest star on a large number of TV series, as Ellis, Alex's partner.

The biggest claim to fame would have to be the zombie effects. The makeup looks great. There are a ton of zombies and they all look fantastic. The movie has a ton of gore, more than I had expected. There were also plenty of spots where it looked like some of the gore was cut, and also some nudity. I am sure we will get to see it all in an unrated DVD release.

Bottomline. This is not high art, but it sure is a lot of fun. I think the fact that this debuted on TV tempered my expectations and allowed me to have more fun with it. There is a great deal of blood, plenty of action, and some attractive women strewn throughout, plus that Sid Haig cameo. Then we have a nicely open ended ending. This did a good job at erasing the experience of that original mess. Looking forward to the DVD release (due 3/21).

Recommended. *** / *****

A Television Viewer's Diary and News: 2/5-2-11: Arrested Development

Before jumping into my viewing of last week, thought I may add some television notes for last week.

• Superbowl XL Tops the Charts. The championship game, in which the Steelers defeated the Seahawks 21-10, topped the Nielsen ratings with a 41.6 rating and an estimated 90.745 million viewers.
• Al "Grandpa" Lewis Dies. The much loved actor/politician died last week. He will always be remembered for his role on The Munsters. He always seemed like such a nice guy.
• CBS Cancels Love Monkey. After only 3 episodes, the quirky dramedy starring Tom Cavanagh has been shelved. It doesn't appear to be coming back. Too bad, I was really starting to like it. It had good acting, and was a smartly written show.
• NBC Announces Las Vegas Move. NBC is moving Las Vegas to Friday nights. This could be a bad sign, as that is usually where shows go to die.
• Joey Looks to be Dead. It was removed from the schedule a few weeks ago when Scrubs came back. One of the lead actresses has signed on to another sitcom, pretty much confirming that it is not coming back.
• Fox to Air Final Arrested Development Episodes. Fox will be airing the last 4 new episodes opposite the Olympics opening ceremonies.
• WB to Move Supernatural. The WB is moving the ghostly series to Thursday nights following the Olympics. Presumably to fill the whole left by Beauty and the Geek 2. Still not a good sign as the night is already crowded.
• Spike and TNA Wrestling Announce New Deal. The wrestling show will be moving to Thursday's at 9pm. It is good to see them in primetime, but it is another show on a crowded night. Their current Saturday at 11 slot will be a replay night, the current Monday replay will be dropped.

Best show I watched this week: Arrested Development
Worst show I watched this week: Surface

Sunday 2/5.

• Grey's Anatomy (ABC 10:30). Airing in the prestigious post-Superbowl slot, they decided to amp things up at the hospital. It starts of with George's fantasy of Meredith, Cristina, and Izzie in the shower together, but the scene quickly shifts to the hospital. A man comes in with a gaping hole in his gut and an EMT's hand inside him, not to mention his screaming wife. While working on him, Bailey comes in about to have her baby, which she refuses to have until her husband arrives. Unfortunately, her husband is in another O.R. after having an accident on the way to the hospital. Back to the guy with the hole in his chest, it turns out he was hit with a homemade bazooka shell that may explode. The episode ends with the hospital being evacuated. This was one of the more intense episodes, and goes a long way towards keeping me a fan. ***.5

Monday 2/6.

• WWE: Monday Night Raw (USA 9pm). The road to Wrestlemania begins with a tournament for the number one contendorship, the survivors include Triple H, Chris Masters, The Big Show, and RVD. Who will make it? My money's on Triple H.
• Surface (NBC 9pm). Haven't been watching for a few weeks, but I figured I would check in for the season finale. The episode was pretty much all action, sadly I don't remember many of the names. The guy gets locked away in a military facility, the girl flies in to look for him, all while trying to avoid an incoming tsunami. Miles and his family and Caitlin and her family are busy trying to flee the town on a ferry, but Caitlin gets mugged for her scooter and Miles heads off to the rescue. The girl frees the guy from the locked room, ends up with Miles and Caitlyn, and then trying to outrun the water, taking refuge in the spire of a church. We end with a shot of the flooded town. We may not learn anymore as this season ends with 15 episodes and an uncertain future. **.5
• Las Vegas (NBC 9pm). Guilty pleasure alert. This episode follows the adventures of NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson and Delinda's infatuation with him, Sam and Ed dealing with a whale who suffers from sweaty palms, and Danny tries to find the truth behind a guy who seems to have had his kidney stolen. It's bright, it's flashy, it's slick, and pure brain candy. All glitz with nothing beneath it. We also get an announcement that after the Olympics the show is moving to Friday's. That doesn't bode well, is NBC tiring of the show? ***
• 24 (Fox 9pm). Jack gets reinstated, at least temporarily until the cannisters are returned. While Jack is chasing down a lead, the terrorists are seeking a way to reprogram the controls in the tanks. Jack finds one of the suspects, who also happens to have a 15 year old Russian slave in his possession, who desperately wants to go home. Lynn gets mugged back at CTU by what seems to be his junkie girlfriend and her pimp. ***.5

Tuesday 2/7.

• Scrubs (NBC 9pm). Two brand new episodes focus on JD and his new girlfriend, played by real life girlfriend Mandy Moore. She turns out to be a total klutz, leading to some great physical comedy. JD struggles with his relationship issues as he falls for her, hard. Turk joins the Janitor's air band, and inadvertently angers Kelso. Next, Carla struggles with the realization of her age and potential infertility, which the rest of the gang is not terribly good at helping with. Then there is Cox who cannot bring himself to kiss his son. I love this show. ***.5
• Supernatural (WB 9pm). Sam has a vision of a man dying in his car, so he and Dean rush off to help, only to find an apparent suicide. Of course, the duo don't believe it and don the personas of priests to investigate, soon the dead man's brother dies by decapitation and the killer is revealed to be the first guys son. He is a telekinetic who is getting revenge. But there is a stronger connection, as the kid's mom was killed by the same demon that killed Sam and Dean's mom. This may not be high art, but it is darn entertaining. ***
• House (Fox 9pm). This week House regains control of his department as Foreman's tenure comes to a close. The patient in question has a variety of weird symptoms, such as altered mental state and a loss of motor control. It turns out that she is going through fertility treatments despite not wanting a child, that is paired with birth control. Besides the patient, House is dealing with his feelings for his ex, Stacy. Can he live with himself if he gets back with her? Turns out the only way it can, he walks away from her. How could he maintain his surly demeanor when with someone he loves? Therefore, to remain the House we all know and love, he must remain single. ***
• Love Monkey (CBS 10pm). I've only seen two episodes, but this has joined the much watch list. This week Tom tries to put together a video for Wayne, the label's up and coming singer/songwriter. Follow the struggles with the budget, the weaseling of favors from friends, and a wonderful feud with the "artsy" director, played by guest star Nicky Katt. If you want fun and quirky, this is for you. *** (turns out, this is the last episode as the series has been shelved.)

Wednesday 2/8.

• Bones (Fox 9pm). This week the team investigates the, apparent, suicide of a kid in a superhero outfit. What looks open and shut, ends up a but more complex, involving alternate personas, comic books, spousal abuse and a love triangle. Still, at its core is the character interaction of Bones and just about anybody else. ***
• Lost (ABC 9pm). Such the aggravating series, some things suck you right in, while simultaneously turning me away. This episode focuses on Sawyer and his past as a con man, and his current con on the island. Sun is attacked but manages to escape, triggering a desire by Jack and crew to grab the guns and start up a posse. Sawyer's con results in the theft of all the weapons, but he wasn't working alone. It seems someone is having an issue with Locke (it's Charlie). ***
• Invasion (ABC 10pm). Here is a series that has been riding the bubble for a good part of the season. At times it just seems to creep along, with the occasional point of interest. It has gotten better since the reveal of the sheriff's nature. This week has him having some issues with his deputy whose arm he had cut off, while trying to steer his kids clear. Meanwhile, Larkin is seeing things, and is worried about her pregnancy. Russ and crew find one of the body doubles, not fully formed crawling through the house. ***

Thursday 2/9.

• Smallville (WB 8pm). Chloe has a vision in the bathroom, and is found shortly thereafter by Lois, and she finds an apparent suicide attempt. She is taken to the hospital where Clark finds her about to be transferred to a psych hospital on Lex's orders. Clark doesn't like this one bit, and his work with Chloe uncovers a body inside the bathroom wall, and a ghost that has taken up residence in Chloe to get revenge on her killer. Not bad, but this is a tough followup to the death of Jonathan. **.5
• CSI (CBS 9pm). A dead woman is found, and her identity is revealed to be the daughter of a prominent dominatrix, Lady Heather, with whom Grissom has worked with in the past. As the circumstances are revealed, Heather has taken the law into her own hands to try and get revenge on the murderer. This was a decent episode. ***
• Everybody Hates Chris (UPN 8pm). Valentine's Day approaches and Chris doesn't have a special someone, unless you count the hate cards being left for him. Drew is getting too many cards, and Keisha has her first boyfriend to her father's chagrin. Chris ends up breaking up a fight on the bus and finding his Valentine, but she is much more than he had bargained for. ***
• Four Kings (NBC 8:30). Bobby makes some quick bucks by escorting an elderly woman to some parties, he hooks Barry up with one as well, but it turns out to be a little more costly. Then Bobby's job is forcing him to evict people from a low income housing complex, Ben decides to expose the story, but gets cut off at the pass. Moderately entertaining, but lacks heart. **.5
• My Name is Earl (NBC 9pm). Earl's list takes him to a nearby college to return a laptop to a professor, who is pretty and smart. Earl starts ignoring karma in order to spend time with his new love. Randy is pledging a fraternity, having fun drinking and riding tricycles. This show is very funny, this episode even includes attack bees! ***
• The Office (NBC 9:30). The holidays hit the office. Michael heads off to NYC for a meeting with th new CFO, which leads to a revelation between him and Jan. Dwight gets a gift from secret love Angela, who is awaiting reciprocation. Ryan has a new love in the office. Pam waits for something from her fiancée, only to be disappointed. Not one of the better episodes, but still one of the best sitcoms on TV. ***
• ER (NBC 10pm). After being absent last week Clemente reappears, first having some illicit fun with his married girlfriend, then having been shot by her husband. She is dying and Clemente is coming down from his coke high, while also being a prime suspect. Abby's pregnancy news spreads through the ER. Neela is trying to succeed at her surgical elective, and a new battle breaks out between ER and surgery. Pratt is up for auction at a charitable ball, and Ray meets a blues man whom his father listened too, who is now homeless. ER will always be enjoyable. ***

Friday 2/10.

• WWE: Friday Night Smackdown (UPN 8pm). I screwed up and missed a bunch of the show, but the main event was decently dull, pitting The Undertaker against Mark Henry.
• Arrested Development (Fox 8pm). Fox decided to burn off the final four new Arrested episodes opposite the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics. The final four episodes attempt to wrap up the various stories that have been ongoing, while also leaving them open to future episodes should another network pick it up (please!). There is a mock trial where new evidence turns up that could help exonerate the Bluths. Buster fakes a coma to avoid testifying. Gob does a USO tour to avoid the stand, and ends up getting arrested in Iraq, Michael goes over and finds a house of Saddam lookalikes living in a Bluth designed home, which was built to bug homes there by the government. Buster has to deal with a certain seal. Michael finds out he may be Nichael, and may have a sister named Nellie, who is confused with a prostitute. George Michael and Maeby take a step in their relationship that should not be, and Lindsay may not even be a blood Bluth. This was a brilliant series. AD, you will be missed. ****
• Stargate SG-1 (Sci-Fi 8pm). An addictive new drug is making its way to the planets, and SG-1 is out looking into what Mitchell has dubbed "space corn." When there inquest goes bad, their escape route is cut off as the Stargate disappears. Ba'al is going around stealing them, so the team, and the newly commissioned starship head out to confront the mothership and get the gates back. This was a fun episode that results in the presumed defeat of Ba'al. ***
• Stargate: Atlantis (Sci-Fi 9pm). While out on a re-con mission, Sheppard and the team find two coffin sized pods in a degrading orbit, and they sense life signs. They bring them back and crack them open in the city. Turns out they contain the the bodies and the consciousness of a couple involved in a long war. They also have the ability to inhabit bodies, in this case, Sheppard and Weir. So, security teams spread out and try to stop them, without killing them. Not much for moving the arc forward, but a decent exercise in tension building and deception. ***
• Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi 10pm). A number of Galactica crew are looking to catch some R and R on Cloud 9, including Lee Adama, Colonel Tigh's wife, and the president's aide, Billy. While they are all at a restaurant they are taken hostage by a group seeking the truth about Cylons in the military, asking for them to turn over Sharon. Starbuck also happens to be there, and she is charged with finding out what is going on. The President and Adama have differing opinions on how to deal with the situation. In the end they turn over Sharon, and save Lee, who has been shot. But the joke is on the terrorists as the Sharon they get is a version that had already died. This is a wonderful series. ****

Saturday 1/21.

• House of the Dead 2 (Sci Fi 9pm). Is it possible for a direct to TV sequel outdo the original theatrical feature? Ordinarily I would say no, but not when you are talking about House of the Dead. This is not a great movie by any stretch, but it seems to have embraced it's low budget and played to its charms. Military team sent into a college campus where the zombie virus has spread, creating hyper-sapiens. They go in and it is pretty much all action all the time. Plus there is an opening sequence featuring Sid Haig which is pure brilliance. Not good, but a lot of fun. ***
• TNA: Wrestling Impact (Spike 11pm). This features the finals in the tag tournament, with Chris Sabin/Sonjay Dutt defeating Roderick Strong/Austin Aries. Team 3D was in action, taking on Simon Diamond's Diamonds in the Rough, the match is interrupted by AMW. In story news, Jackie has given Jarrett an ultimatum to meet her demands before spilling the story to management. Those plans could be cut short as Alex Shelley may have some incriminating video footage. Also Abyss and Monty Brown teamed up to take on Rhino and Ron Killings. ***

To be dropped from the "To Watch" list:

• None.... at the moment.

Shows on the bubble:

• Four Kings

That is all for this week.

Box Office Update 2/10-2/12: The Pink Panther

The Pink Panther surprises all the nay sayers by pulling out a winning bid for the top spot. It did not review well, yet people still flocked out to see it. I admit, I was one of them, but I concur with the critics, it is not a terribly good movie. That is followed up by another mediocre, "wish it was better" movie in Final Destination 3. I enjoyed both of the earlier entries, but this one just falls flat. It still managed to bring in decent numbers, nearly wresting away the top spot from the pink feline.

The other two new releases fill the next spots. First being Curious George, which looks to be a fun movie for the family to enjoy, perhaps more for the younger set. Then we have Firewall, a middling thriller with Harrison Ford.

The next four spots, sequentially, were the top four from last week. So their popularity each dropped about the same from last week to this, all of them in the 50% range. Coming in at the bottom of the list is Underworld: Evolution, which will probably top out at around $70 million, maybe a bit less.

Dropping out of the top ten this week were The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (12), Something New (11), Walk the Line (13), and Annapolis (14).

This Week	Last Week	Title	Wknd Gross	Overall	Week in release
1	N	The Pink Panther	$20,220,412	$20,220,412	1
2	N	Final Destination 3	$19,173,094	$19,173,094	1
3	N	Curious George	$14,703,405	$14,703,405	1
4	N	Firewall	$13,635,463	$13,635,463	1
5	1	When a Stranger Calls	$9,111,820	$33,958,222	2
6	2	Big Momma's House 2	$6,931,437	$54,908,725	3
7	3	Nanny McPhee	$4,940,395	$32,956,035	3
8	4	Brokeback Mountain	$4,025,031	$66,460,791	10
9	6	Underworld: Evolution	$2,608,793	$57,354,686	4
10	5	Hoodwinked	$2,406,005	$47,269,225	9

Let's close this with a look at the pecking order that I had predicted, and see just how bad I did.

1. (2) Final Destination 3. This barely missed my call. I guess it didn't have quite the pull to push it over the top.
2. (4) Firewall. Not as good a draw as I had thought it would be, of course, the movie isn't all that great either.
3. (3) Curious George. Hey! I got one right. This opened to generally good reviews, and proved to be a decent family draw.
4. (1) The Pink Panther. I underestimated this stinker. There is a reason why it was so long delayed, it probably should have been longer.
5. (8) Brokeback Mountain. This one dropped more than I expected, but there was a bunch of competition from new releases.
6. (5) When a Stranger Calls. This is not a good movie, and his week's drop helps lend credence to that notion.
7. (6) Big Momma's House 2. I still have no interest in seeing this.
8. (7) Nanny McPhee. It did a good for a few weeks, but it has begun its slide.
9. (10) Hoodwinked. Doing better than expected, this has made its final appearance in the top 10.
10. (9) Underworld: Evolution. This continues its slide, next week it will probably be down to 12 or 13.

One right and 6 off by one. Is that better than three right, seven wrong?

DVD Pick of the Week: Zombie Honeymoon

As I was going through the new release list for the week, I saw a few films that seemed likely candidates for this honor. Maybe I would go with the first season of Grey's Anatomy, or the long awaited Quick Change, or the fun Saw II. Perhaps I would go with the early John Ford/Henry Fonda classic, that I have yet to see, Young Mr. Lincoln. Perhaps I should have gone the family route and go with the underrated Zathura. I had decided to go with Neil Gaiman's Mirrormask, until I came to the last film on the list, and, while not yet seen by me, appeared to be very intriguing.

This week's Pick of the Week is Zombie Honeymoon. I'm usually down for anything with the word "zombie" in the title, so I went and clicked on the link, not sure of what I'd find. Well, just check out this description (culled from IMDB.com):

Zombie Honeymoon is a romantic horror film about a young married couple,
madly in love, on their honeymoon. One day on the beach, the groom Danny is
attacked and killed by a man who rises up out of the water with no explanation,
leaps on top of him, and vomits blood into his mouth. Danny is resuscitated ten
minutes later, and seems to look and act totally normal. However, his wife
Denise finds out that that's not the case at all. It turns out that Danny has
become a zombie. However, instead of becoming a "Night Of The Living Dead"-style
creature right off the bat, he disintegrates gradually, in a manner akin to
cancer or AIDS. He and his wife Denise do their best to cope with his slipping
away, not to mention the fact that he can't stop killing and eating people. As
their best friends arrive for a weekend visit, she makes him promise her that
they're off-limits. He agrees, but finds it more and more difficult to control
himself. She hangs in there because he's the love of her life, but it becomes
more and more apparent that her life is in jeopardy as well.

Now, doesn't that sound like fun? I cannot picture anything sweeter than a zombie in love. It sort of reminds me of another zombie movie that had a romantic undertone to one of its subplots, the low budget Japanese horror film Stacy. In any case, the description had me intrigued enough to dub it the Pick of the Week. Hopefully it will not let me down.

Also coming out this week:

• Aliens Gone Wild. The latest Full Moon compilation collecting some of the best alien bits from their films. It follows Monsters Gone Wild and When Puppets and Dolls Attack.
• Goyokin. I had been previously unaware of this 1969 samurai film, but it looks like it could be a good one. It tells the tale of a young samurai returning from war to find a small village massacred. He sets out to prevent another from happening.
• Grey's Anatomy: Season 1. The surprisingly good hospital dramedy. This set has all 9 of the first season episodes.
• He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: Season One, Vol. 2. I loved He-Man when I was a kid I loved this half hour toy commercial.
• Mirrormask. This was very nearly my pick for this week. I have been looking forward to seeing this fantasy spring forth from the mind of Neil Gaiman.
• Quick Change. I cannot remember if I have seen this before or not. Something I should, perhaps, rectify.
• R-Point. This is a supernatural war film from Korea that was the highest grossing horror film from 2004. The premise seems intriguing, a ragtag group of soldiers investigating a radio signal from a missing group. Plus, it has been compared to Dog Soldiers, which I really liked.
• Saw II. Word of warning, the mattes have been opened slightly, changing the aspect ratio from 1.85:1 to 1.78:1. I enjoyed it, even if the story wasn't the strongest. It is nice to see some decent blood back on the screens.
• Young Mr. Lincoln: Criterion Collection. This is a film from 1939, directed by John Ford and starring Henry Fonda about those pivotal early years of Lincoln, prior to his presidency.
• Zathura. Pretty much another version of Jumanji, I liked this one better. It is a surprisingly effective and fun tale.

That is all for this week. What are you getting?

Movie Review: The Pink Panther (2006)

The much delayed new take on The Pink Panther has finally landed in theaters. After sitting through it, it probably would have been better had that landing never taken place. I just found the movie to be utterly flat, boring at times, and I just felt that it was unnecessary.

Steve Martin's Inspector Clouseau is charged with tracking down the killer of a rich soccer team owner (Jason Statham), and retrieving the stolen Pink Panther diamond. Of course, his assignment is a ploy by Chief Inspector Dreyfus, played by Kevin Kline, to divert attention so that he can solve the crime.

Dreyfus' choice of Clouseau as his patsy seems to be an inspired choice. Plucking the officer from obscurity, giving him an "Attaboy!" and the title of Inspector would seem to be enough to divert the public's eye from the real investigation. Clouseau latches on to it with manic glee and reckless abandon, turning every little mistake into a mounting catastrophe. This while his spy/partner Ponton (Jean Reno), stands by and watches the events with tired amusement. Then there is the center of the investigation, Xania (Beyonce), an international pop star that was having a relationship with the deceased.

I was just bored throughout most of the movie. It was like watching a spoof of a spoof, and it just felt tired. It was like an alternate universe version of Austin Powers. But rather than a swinging Mike Myers, we have a floundering Steve Martin.

There were a few chuckles to be had, but they were few and far between. The "hamburger" scene, glimpsed in the trailers, goes on far too long, and is revisited later on. The best sequence has to be the Clive Owen cameo, his manner and his character are perfect, and considering some real world film casting, appropriate and even more hilarious.

Martin seemed to be trying to hard at the role, everything seemed forced and unnatural. Kline doesn't fare much better. Beyonce comes out pretty much unscathed. She has a natural beauty and just lights up the screen, of course, she is essentially playing herself. Jean Reno is OK as well, he just has this tired expression, he almost seems to be contemplating just what he is doing there.

I love slapstick as much as the next guy, and all the performers involved have done good work in the past, but nothing seems to click. I really think that making another Pink Panther movie was a mistake. At least without a killer script, which this just does not have. The mystery itself was not much of one, as I pretty much had it figured out early on, with have of it being telegraphed in the pre-credits sequence. I think the previously mentioned Austin Powers films may have ruined this type of comedy for awhile.

Bottomline. Not funny, occasionally boring, and just plain not very good. I cannot recommend this film. It was all forced and unnatural. If you want to see something funny, you'll have to look elsewhere.

Not Recommended. ** / *****

Movie Review: Firewall

Today I trekked out in the tail end of a blizzard to see the latest Harrison Ford thriller, Firewall. Ford has had his share of winners and sinners, but overall they always tend to be enjoyable on some level. The question is, are in Hollywood Homicide territory, or maybe closer to The Fugitive? The answer lands somewhere in the muddy ground in between.

This movie centers itself with a complex plot to rob a bank. Harrison Ford is Jack Stanfield, the designer and head of security for a small bank chain that is going through a merger. It isn't quite clear, but it seems that Jack may be able to get in on a deal that would see him leaving the bank. This brings in Bill Cox, portrayed by Paul Bettany. This man insinuates himself into the lives of the entire Stansfield family. He uses the usual "help me or your family dies" threat to attempt to induce a favorable outcome.

Firewall doesn't venture into any new ground. The end result is a rather standard thriller that survives on the ability of its leads, because if you start trying to analyze the plot, it tends to break down rather easily. One thing that bugged me, and it is really not that big of a deal, is the title. There is no firewall hacking or anything of the sort. The way they go about robbing the bank is nothing special, no real technical expertise is needed, just a little cleverness on all the parties involved.

The heist takes a back seat for most of the movie, instead its eye of focus is set squarely on our hero and his attempts to secure his family's safe return. many of these scenes seem like filler, not adding to the tension, nor giving us characters to really care about. How well do we get to know the wife and children? Granted, we never want to see innocent people hurt in anyway, but I like to have a reason to care about the characters in a fictional work. And don't get me started on what I like to find out at the end. I'm not going to give it away, but I didn't particularly care for it.

There is an overall sense of deja vu. I feel like I've seen this movie before, and better. When I had seen the early trailers, I was hoping for a good film about identity theft that escalates to the bank robbery, but there is only minimal time spent on that aspect. It doesn't take long before we are thrust into a movie that reminds me of last year's Hostage, only not as interesting.

I'd like to believe that there are very few actors could make this material compelling, when there are probably a few. Fortunately Harrison Ford is at the top of the list. He has a great screen presence, and has perfected the man in peril role. It is this reason that I enjoyed this at all. Ford brings a feeling of immediacy to the role, a growing determination and sheer will to do what he has to do. Even in the face of the absurd, he is there to counter every turn.

On the flip side of our hero is Paul Bettany, whom I am glad to see getting more prominent roles, as he is becoming a very good character actor. He brings a quiet menace to is role, someone who revels in being in control, and when that is lost, he is lost. Then there is Virginia Madsen, a good actress to be sure, who just is not given much to do in this script. She is the typical wife character who is there waiting to be rescued.

Rounding out the supporting cast are brief appearances from Alan Arkin and Robert Forster. I would be remiss if I failed to mention Mary Lynn Rajskub as Janet. She plays a pivotal role in helping Ford on his quest. She is playing virtually the same character as she does on 24, and it worked well for her here in her first prominent film role.

The film was directed by Richard Loncraine, who last directed 2003's romantic comedy Wimbledon, which also starred Paul Bettany. He has a steady hand behind the camera, but there is nothing that strays from the ordinary. Which can be used to describe the film.

Bottomline. While it was superficially enjoyable, that is the only level on which to enjoy it. It doesn't hold up if you watch it for an interesting plot. Not to say I hated it, as Ford always gives enjoyable performances, and this was no different. An entertaining diversion, nothing more.

Mildly Recommended. **.5 / *****