Movie Review: Breeders

Following my incredible experience with the so freaking awful it becomes so freaking awesome Mutant Hunt, I decided against my better judgement to sample another one of his offerings. I was going to go with Robot Holocaust, a movie I suspect I have seen, but it wasn't on Netflix or Hulu. Instead, I decided to go to the movie he shot immediately before Mutant Hunt, Breeders. It is not to be confused with the similarly themed Breeders from 1987. Granted, the quality is probably about on par with this one.



Breeders is not a good movie. It does offer up some camp entertainment, but it is not nearly as brilliantly awful as Mutant Hunt is. As a matter of act, I had to rematch the last twenty minutes as I had fallen asleep. This is not a good sign when the movie only runs 76-minutes to begin with. It turns out these last moments were the best of the bunch. They could be seen as a defining moment of trashy cinema, so, if you are a fan of trash (no, not Linnea Quigley's Return of the Living Dead character) but don't want to be bored, fast forward to the end.

The basic premise is about as simple as can be. There is an alien race that can inhabit humans as hosts an apparently they need to breed (duh). The weird thing is that they can only do it with virgins, so there is a sudden rash of virgin rapes in New York City. They all end up at Manhattan General Hospital, the attack radius must be pretty small. Anyway, Doctor Gamble Pace and Detective Andriotti are on the case. Well, sort of.

There is not much to the plot. The doctor and detective show up from time to time to spout some terrible dialogue and show off some awful bedside manner. In between their expository moments, the tale is full on exploitation, rest assured that most of the women will get naked at on point and demonstrate just why they are still virgins, well, kind of. Take, for example, the model, she is a former gymnast who, between photo sessions, snorts coke and does naked stretching in front of an open window. Or perhaps the "good girl" who, upon stripping to shower, turns to find a new boyfriend has let himself into her apartment, she then cooks dinner while wet and wearing a towel. While this is all gratuitous nudity, it is handled more of as a fact of the exploitation as opposed to the reason for exploitation cinema. This matter of fact handling of 80's era nudity can be explained by Tim Kincaid also being a director of gay porn. (not that I have seen any, but it explains his handling of women here).

Anyway, the injured women eventually get up and walk out of the hospital on their own and head down to the sewers. They end up at the alien nest where they take a bath in some suspicious alien goo (it is a movie called Breeders and I will leave it at that). It is a bizarre, surreal finale that sees the lame alien reveal, some fighting, some electricity and then it is all done, or is it?

Breeders certainly has some moments that the B-movie fan will get a kick out of. The thing is, I am not sure it is worth the boredom to get to them, there are others that do a much better job of this that should come before this. Still. if you have Netflix and some time to kill, have at it.

Recommended for Scant Few moments, but overall Not Recommended.