September 5, 2011

Movie Review: Shark Night 3D

This is a movie that is a little difficult to review. You see, I have a finely and continually cultured taste for both great films and lowly movies. Good movies, bad movies, I like all sorts of movies. So when it comes to Shark Night 3D, I was hoping for some campy fun, maybe a lesser Piranha 3D, which bloodied my eyeballs last summer. Granted, my hopes for blood were tempered by the PG-13 rating, surely a ploy to get a few more eyes in theaters before the inevitable unrated Blu-ray release. No, there is nothing wrong with some trashy cheesy fun, and that makes me sad to report that it is not fun at all.

This movie has very few redeeming qualities. However, if you were looking for them, don't look at the story, acting, effects, gore, or emotional involvement. Let me help you out a bit and say the best bits include Sarah Paxton in a bikini for most of the runtime, a redneck who files his teeth to shark points, and the inexplicably active man who is near death (seriously, this made me laugh).

I don't even know where to start with this thing. Is I even worth reviewing? Does anyone actually care enough about this movie? I am mot sure why I bothered waiting around for the screening, which started some two hours after my screening of Apollo 18 ended. This is a non-entity that is destined to be forgotten in mere weeks, if not sooner. The only difference between this and a SyFy Original is a bigger budget, not that I know where the money went, it certainly wasn't the production.

The story follows a group of sort of friends who head out to a remote house at a remote lake for a weekend of fun in the sun. The journey from college campus to the house gives them some time set up the relationships and the dynamic of the group, along with reintroducing an old flame, some rednecks, and a lake cop with a penchant for hair metal. None of it makes a whole lot of sense and is mostly ridiculous. In some cases I could see myself accepting it, but there is something about this movie that just doesn't want me to like it. To be certain, no one should actually like this.

It is not long after they get there that we get our first shark attack. While waterskiing one of them is attacked and has his arm bitten off by a shark, initially believed to have been done by the propellor. The friends break up into smaller groups, for logical reasons and try to get some help as the attacks continue.

I'd like to tell you about how the sharks found their way into this lake, but what I recall was patently ridiculous. Besides, I am pretty sure I dozed off around the revelation. That is not something that happens with me, but the movie wasn't doing anything to keep me involved. Well, there was the dude with the bit off arm. They say he is hurt too badly and has lost too much blood to be moved or he will die; however, before long you find him wading out into the lake, using blood from his stump as a lure and holding a spear in his remaining hand. What? Pretty active for a guy near death, plus where exactly did that spear come from?

What else is there to say? This is not a good movie and certainly not worth your time or effort. I am a glutton for punishment, I can handle this, a lesser mind may be swallowed up by it's suckitude.

Not Recommended.

Related Posts with Thumbnails


Post a Comment