November 8, 2009


MutantsI recently reviewed a horror film called Carved that I described as a cure for insomnia. The film was boring and manipulative and not really worth your time. By comparison, Mutants makes that movie look like a barrel of excitement. Mutants is a movie that seems to have been made without anyone actually looking to see what they were making. The resulting movie is completely dull, totally uninteresting, and not worth anyones time.

The advertising claims that Mutants is "28 Days Later meets the apocalyptic I Am Legend." What? This movie is nothing like either of those films. This is the sort of movie you will stumble across at 2 in the morning on the SyFy Channel before finally nodding off. Again, I have to wonder if anyone actually looked at the film before writing up the advertising. Honestly, someone should have read the script before greenlighting it, or at least take a look at the dailies to see how bad everything looked.

Since no one seemed to look, the movie was finished and is now being marketed to the unsuspecting masses using the same cover art as was used for another low budget flick called The Salena Incident (aka Alien Invasion Arizona). Not only that, the critter on the cover looks nothing like anything that appears in Mutants.

Now, I am sure you are all wondering just what Mutants is about. They probably should have gone with something other than the incredibly generic sounding Mutants. Especially when you consider there are no real mutants to be found.

Anyway, Mutants centers on an evil company that makes food additives. More specifically, they focus on sugar. Yes, sugar. They have hired a Russian scientist, who is the son of some crazy guy who experimented on prisoners with various types of poison and such, to create an additive that is more addictive than cocaine or heroin. If you are thinking that sugar is already more addictive, you would be right, but that again falls on the fact no one read the script first.

The problem is that instead of being more addictive, it turns the people who ingest it into mutants. Rather, they look like really bad 28 Days Later-type zombies. They are all kept in an old warehouse where they are incessantly tested. Sounds exciting, right? Guess again.

The people in this movie talk, talk, talk, and talk some more. Offices, living rooms, open fields, in cars, with green eggs and ham, and with Sam I Am. All right, maybe not those last two, but I think you get the point. It is up to a security guy, his daughter, and some other random guys to uncover the truth.

There is very little action. When it does come time to face down some "mutants" it is like walking through a haunted house crossed with a shooting gallery. The good guys walk through the darkened warehouse and occasionally a guy in bad makeup will pop up growl, get shot, and fall down. Repeat this as often as necessary until you get to blow the whole place up in a cheesy fake explosion.

I am not always against low-to-no budget films. They can be quite good, they can demonstrate vision, creativity, and can be a lot of fun. Just take a look at any number of Full Moon Pictures releases for proof. This one is just bad.

I read Mutants had a $4 million budget. Where did it go? It certainly was not on the screen! My only guess is that much of it went to Michael Ironside who appears at the beginning and end of the film. He looks so bored to be here. I wonder if he lost a bet?

Bottomline. This should be avoided at all costs. It is bad and not in a "so bad it's good" way. It reeks of ineptitude from top to bottom.

Not Recommended.


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